Consent and communication are two crucial aspects of any sexual relationship. As a feminist, it is vital to recognize the importance of these two elements in all our sexual encounters. When it comes to writing erotic novels, it is especially significant to depict sexual relationships that are based on mutual respect and open communication. In this blog post, we will explore the significance of consent and communication in sexual relationships from a feminist perspective. We will also draw on examples from literature and quotes from psychologists to highlight the importance of these two key ingredients to a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship.
In our society, we often view sexual relationships as a natural and instinctive part of human nature. However, from a feminist perspective, sexual relationships should be based on mutual consent and communication. The fact that sexual violence is so prevalent in our society is a stark reminder of how important consent is. In order to ensure that our sexual encounters are consensual, we need to engage in open communication with our partner. This means that we need to ask for consent before engaging in any sexual activity and make sure that our partner is comfortable with everything that we do. As feminist Gloria Steinem has said, “The only way to have sex without violating anyone is to have clear, mutual, and affirmative consent.”
Furthermore, communication is essential in order to establish boundaries and to ensure that everyone involved is on the same page. This means that we need to have ongoing conversations with our partner about what we like and dislike, what our boundaries are, and what we are comfortable with. In the words of psychologist Dr. Michael McGee, “Good sex is based on good communication.” When we communicate openly with our partner, we can build trust and intimacy, which leads to a more fulfilling sexual relationship.
In addition, consent and communication are not just about avoiding sexual violence. They also lead to more pleasurable and satisfying sexual encounters. When we are comfortable with our partner and have established clear boundaries and expectations, we can truly enjoy our sexual experiences. In literature, we see this in the portrayal of sexual relationships that are based on respect and communication, such as in the book “Normal People” by Sally Rooney, where the main characters engage in intimate and fulfilling sexual experiences because they communicate with one another honestly and openly.
It is also essential to recognize that consent is ongoing and can be withdrawn at any time. This means that even if we have previously consented to sexual activity with our partner, we can change our minds at any point. It is important for our partner to respect this and to understand that we have the right to say no to any sexual act, at any time. As psychologist Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller says, “Consent is an ongoing process, not a one-time event.”
In conclusion, consent and communication are two crucial elements in any sexual relationship, and it is essential to recognize their importance from a feminist perspective. By engaging in open communication with our partner and ensuring that we have clear, mutual, and affirmative consent, we can build trust, intimacy, and pleasure in our sexual encounters. As feminist Gloria Steinem says, “Sex without consent is rape, and good sex should never involve violating anyone.”
As authors of erotic novels, we have two choices. We can try to portray sexual relationships that are healthy, respectful, and based on clear communication and consent. Or, if our intention is to portray problematic behaviors, we can at least clearly name them as non-functional.
